ljgeoff: (Default)
Last week, one of my espresso machines stopped working. I have a back-up, so we fired that up and I figured that I'd have the money to pay the repair guy next week.

Except that the back-up machine stopped working yesterday.

This morning's marquee:
Oh No! Broken Espresso Machine! All Drip $1


The repair guy got here at 8:30, and a little before 10am, I changed the sign to:

Yea! Espresso Machine is Fixed! Tall Latte $2


Yesterday, staring at the two broken espresso machines, I had a moment of clarity. Well, first, I had a moment of heart-racing panic. Then everything in my head just slowed the fuck down. And it's stayed that way.

A while back, I wrote to a friend I've always been at my best on shifting sands; it's true. When there's an emergency, I have maybe four heart beats of panic, followed by calm clarity. I don't know if it's adrenalin or serotonin -- maybe the adrenalin triggers a cascade of serotonin? Does this mean that my brain has trained me to seek chaos, or has the chaos changed my brain? My childhood was tense but not particularly chaotic -- though maybe I'm not a good judge of that. Or is it something else? How does the chemistry of the mania and the migraines tie in?
ljgeoff: (Default)
I'm having a very weird day today.

There are a couple of times when I've had a work desk, mostly when I've been managing little restaurants or shops. I'm the kind of person who keeps piles. On a big desk, I might have four or six big piles, and maybe another two or three little piles. I know what are in my piles, and I know what needs to be done.

Today, it feels like my life is that desk, and somebody mixed up my piles. Everything's been swept together, all out of order and upside-down and backwards.

So, kid stuff over *here,* and a few little piles that go with that big pile, like planets on a sun. Mike stuff *here* along with a couple of fat folders that are titled Len and Joe and Relationship Noodling.

School gets a pile, with doodles and odd bits of poetry in the margins, and notes to self like Calculator! Chem Goggles! Where's my thumb drive? Writing is a pile over there, under the coffee mug. Pictures, unfinished thoughts, research; it's the pile that eases my heart.

The pile with the graphs and accounting sheets is the shop. There are question marks all over it.

Well, that's how it was. Now it's just a big ... pile. A great big pile, everything screaming to come up on top, and I want to do nothing more than to give it a shove.

The Tarot Cards said, "A good time to honor your gods."

There's my to-do list for today, jumping up and down, and waving little paper-cut arms: shop 6a-3p, get boys going on chores, appmt. kyle 3pm, fill out MI Child form and turn in at county office, put in Mike's request to NMU's registrar, chemistry discussion 5pm, chemistry lab 6pm-8pm.

[livejournal.com profile] saxomofo came by and gave me three roses -- "You're having a hard day." I have them in the window, in a paper coffee cup with a bunch of white wildflowers. Every time I look at them, I smile.

I talked to Mike on the phone (it was good, sweet as the roses) and we made a date to talk about stuff when he comes next, a week from Friday. Fred came by and got some money for groceries, and is going to make dinner tonight. I called financial aide at NMU and they said that nothing had gone through yet. I handed off a small job to [livejournal.com profile] saxomofo. I got some more replies from the APOFF nominees (eight of the eighteen have not yet replied, but it's only been 36 hours or so.) I found someone who wants to make a fan-vid of our DW Ever/Was virtual season.

So I better put the to-do list in my breast pocket. And then I think that the honkin' big upside-down and backwards pile can sit for a day.

bleh

Aug. 20th, 2008 03:50 pm
ljgeoff: (Default)
If my head would stop hurting, the world would be a better place. It's just hard to think past the migraine. It's hard to remember what life was like before the migraines.

I tried writing, but can't focus. I cleaned the soft-serve machine and wiped down the walls around the coffee machines. I placed an order for stock, and made up a shopping list. Before the headache, I wrote two long emails and waited on about 40 customers.

Amy and the boys are cleaning the house. People are coming over to look at the puppies. Tomorrow I have an appointment to talk to the principal of the alternative high school, for Justin.

Being the second half of the month, I have tallies and columns running through my mind. Our overhead is about $125/day, so right now we are paying ourselves about $100/wk. We are open a total of 119 hours/wk. If I paid $8/hr for each of those hours, it'd come to $952/wk. I am anxious to see if we will make those kinds of sales. We'd have to have daily sales of around $225-$250. Right now, we're averaging $140/day. NMU starts next Monday, and the public schools the Monday after that; I've been told that sales would double when the schools start back up -- that's what's happened in previous years. If that's true, I have nothing to worry about...

Damned headache -- temple, eye socket, cheekbone, upper teeth, jaw, lower teeth. Carl will be here in an hour and a half, and then I go to get supplies, and then I go to my cleaner house, throw some laundry in the wash, take a shower and go to bed.
ljgeoff: (Default)
New Article on Migraines at Scientific American:

Migraine is more than a headache: it is intensely painful and has distinct phases.

The disorder used to be considered a vascular one, but recent research reveals it to be neurological, related to a wave of nerve cell activity that sweeps across the brain.

The root of migraine may reside in brain stem malfunctioning.

Although debate swirls about the precise cause of migraine, discoveries are already permitting the development of new treatments

A long and very interesting article:

"The question then becomes, Does pain typically arise from the intrinsic hyperexcitability of cortical neurons (which leads to cortical spreading depression, activation of meningeal trigeminal pain fibers and the pain of a migraine)? Or does some glitch in brain stem activity incite the pain (by directly rendering the trigeminal neurons spontaneously active or by facilitating cortical spreading depression, or both)? The latter scenario is more convincing to some researchers because the pivotal control exerted by the brain stem over so many aspects of our experience could explain the varied symptoms of migraine."

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