ljgeoff: (Default)
I kindof like this quote:

"The truth is that the more intimately you know someone, the more clearly you’ll see their flaws. That’s just the way it is. This is why marriages fail, why children are abandoned, why friendships don’t last. You might think you love someone until you see the way they act when they’re out of money or under pressure or hungry, for goodness’ sake. Love is something different. Love is choosing to serve someone and be with someone in spite of their filthy heart. Love is patient and kind, love is deliberate. Love is hard. Love is pain and sacrifice, it’s seeing the darkness in another person and defying the impulse to jump ship".-The Great Camryn

Which is not to say that sometimes it's time end a relationship. But, yeah, loving someone is work.
ljgeoff: (Default)
Trentyn woke me up this morning by kicking me in the head. I don't know when he climbed in with us. I got up, went to the bathroom and then laid down on his bed, it being vacant and all.

I wasn't really thinking about anything, but I had this sudden thought about love, what I call "being in love." A lot of my thoughts are visual.

I imagined this feeling as a rope of light that connected me with another person. Thinking about it, I could see that feelings might rise or fall -- desire, anger, compassion, interest, understanding, playfulness, disappointment, eagerness, disillusionment, security -- all of these feelings might come and go, but the "rope" would stay constant, never thinning (or growing, for that matter), just there.

I was trying to decipher the rope, trying to figure out what it was made up of and all I can come up with is commitment, love, and desire. But the rope itself doesn't seem to be made of those. It's more like -- those things have to be present for the rope to grow. I have felt those feeling move, tremble or rear, but the rope stays constant.

And I think time or the age of the rope is a definite factor. Mike and my rope is so old that it has vines growing in it; birds nests and spider webs and small children swinging in the loops.

I've been in love with four other people in my life. I let those ropes go, but if any of those four contacted me, said, "Hey, I need help with this," or just "Coffee?" -- I would be there. It's as if the rope leaves a shadow or a mark -- no, it's as if that wellhead of love, desire and commitment is still there, a deep spot in my heart breathing water and potential life.
ljgeoff: (Default)
Sorry, no clicky boxes -- answer if you feel moved.

Part One: I'm curious to see how people define the difference between loving someone and being in love. How does it work for you? Is being in love simply infatuation?

For myself, I define "being in love" as the love I feel when I'm in a Relationship. I define loving someone as what I'd feel for a beloved friend. While I trust, admire and feel a commitment to my beloved friends, it's a looser feeling and the desire for intimacy-- physical, emotional and intellectual -- is less.

There is also a strong desire for life entwinement when I'm in love, compared to loving someone. And while I want to see and be close to the people I love, being separated from someone I'm in love with is very difficult.

Part Two: Does your feelings of loving someone or being in love wax and wane? Do you have a love rheostat? Or is it more like a switch? How do you feel about people you used be in love with?

For myself, while my desire for different kinds of intimacy may fluctuate, my feeling of being in love is more like a switch -- it's either on or off. Once I'm in love with someone, it takes a strong, constant effort on my part to change that feeling, and all I've been able to change being in love to is different degrees of loving someone -- usually we never talk, but it's like I hold them in my heart.

Bonus point question: Have you ever stayed close to someone when your relationship was uneven? When one person loved, and the other was in love? How did that work?
ljgeoff: (Default)
Well, Mike said that we are un-invited to Dawn and Jerry's. *sigh* Of course, not in those words. It went something like, "Sweetie, Dawn and Jerry are having another guest show up after Christmas, so there won't be enough room for all of us. They really want to meet you, but it's gonna have to be some other time. Maybe in the spring, when they come back from Florida."

I feel... I dunno. Let down, relieved, like Roseann being told that the Huxtables didn't think it'd be all that good an idea.

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