needful things

[ljgeoff]

I was reading an article about marriage-type relationships that made a lot of sense to me. The writers suggested that one of the most important things partners can ask each other is "what do you need?" Sorry, can't find the article now, so no link.

Anyway, Mike and I have both been thinking about this. I think that my needs are minimal; I'm not a high maintenance person.

-- I need to feel loved and appreciated

-- I need an hour or two a day of down time

-- I need to have enough financial stability to pay the bills on time and feed everyone in the house

-- I need a tidy living area

-- On top of the down time, I need time during the week to work on things I find fun and fulfilling.

The "loved and appreciated" is the most complex need. What do I need to feel loved and appreciated? I dunno -- still working on that. Physical things like hugs and kisses, but other things too, like helping out so I don't have to do all the housework.

One thing Mike does very well is he's great with the little boys. He's much more patient than I am. I tend to be stern, which if you don't really know me, you might have trouble believing, but take my word for it. I expect competence and can be a bit ornery when small people do not live up to my expectations. Mike, on the other hand, is an almost endless well of patience with the children. He really is lovely, and they love him madly.

There are other things I need, but they are secondary -- like, I need to know that all of my children are ok. I have a lot of children, so this need can really take up quite a bit of my cognitive space. Sometimes I get to feeling guilty because I haven't thought of this kid or that in a couple of days, or the older boys (who really are doing wonderfully) in a week or two.

I need to write. Which, speaking of that, I got my first feedback from my newly-hired editor, and it was surprisingly positive. Mostly, she just wants me to put in a line or two about where I got my facts from -- easy-peasy.

Comments

[hobbitbabe]

Do you also need .... novelty, challenge, the freedom to pursue new projects, something like that? I feel like there should be something like that on your list, because it's on mine too but in much smaller amounts.

[ljgeoff]

Yes! That's the "time during the week to do things that are fun and fulfilling" bit. Besides the veg. garden, there are three things I have in mind that I want to work on, all garden related -- the back-of-the-house greenhouse, the aquaponics system, and the stackwood garden shed.

All of these are labor-intensive projects, so I won't get to them all, but there will be movement. I've already got everything I need for the greenhouse, and I know where to get the supplies for the aquaponics system.

But the aquaponics tank will cost money, while the stackwood shed will just take a lot of effort, so I might do that first. We'll see!

[hobbitbabe]

No, for me it's not just having time to do fun fulfilling stuff. It's the freedom to abandon or set aside enough things in my life to pursue something new.

[ljgeoff]

That's a really cool way of thinking about it. I think of it more as ...hrm... an ongoing thing, a "box" that I have. This year, I might put "build the aquaponics system" in the box. Other years, I've gotten into community theater. But many years, the "box" has been to small to do much because I was working two jobs or such.