showing love

[ljgeoff]

When I was about 18 mos old, my mother died unexpectedly (embolism? stroke? - no autopsy so we don't know). My three sisters and I went to live with her mother, while my dad handled his grief by volunteering for an extra deployment in Viet Nam.

I expressed my grief by pulling out all of my hair. There are pictures of me in a little cap that covered all my hair, with a strap under my chin. And pictures of me with a crew-cut.

I guess I withdrew into myself. I'm not very comfortable with physical touch, or at least it takes me a really long time to get there. But, oh my goodness, I do love very deeply. I just show it by working. Like, literally; pouring money into the family is the main way I show love.

And I've been off now for almost three weeks. I'm getting stuff done around the house, but I'm moping. Because I do. not. like. housework!

So far for the morning: deep cleaned bathroom, continuing with laundry, appointments with Trentyn (doctor and counseling). I still have not made the banana bread, but that is more fun than work. I'm saving it as a reward for mopping the kitchen floor.

Comments

[sonia]

I'm so sorry for the losses toddler-you sustained. Your mom first, and then your dad leaving too. <3

[ljgeoff]

Yes, my sibs and I came out damaged in our ability to show and accept love. Counseling as an adult has helped. My step mother, who is a truly good woman, feels bad that we didn't get help as children, but it was the 60s, hey? What did she and my dad know about counseling for kids?

[pameladean]

Oh, that's so much for somebody so little. I'm so sorry. P.

[a_phoenixdragon]

I'm so sorry...it sounds like you had a rough start - and it explains a lot about the way you love so fiercely and deeply, but how you translate that love as well. And I totally get how you are showing your love. I rather do that myself whenever I can. Life just hasn't allowed for it as much as I wish it had.

Hope that banana bread was awesome! What a treat!

*HUGS*