so, I had a talk
Jul. 1st, 2006 02:33 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ljgeoffwith Keith, after the band packed up.
"I was wondering if I could talk to you about something. I ... need some advice. Um, I talked to Mike and Len, and they just made inarticulate helpless male noises..."
"Yeah, sure"
"Can we sit in your van?"
"Sure."
"Well, first some back story. You've heard me talk about my friend Mark -- yeah, well, he's an old friend of mine. We went to high school together. Then he went off to college, and I went off. About ten years ago, we both ended up back in town. We were, you know, just friends. But then -- um, well, when I know a guy, and respect him and trust him and think he's cool, and fun, I find myself slipping into, um, stronger feelings. First, I told Mark that I was poly. That didn't go over very well."
"Poly?"
"Yeah, 's short for polyamory, like my relationships. A non-monogamous relationship."
"Ah."
"Well, yeah, he didn't take that very well. Didn't talk to me for about six months, and then it was kinda touch and go. But the way I felt - it was driving me crazy, so I finally told him how I felt about him. I thought, you know, if I just got it out in the open, and hear him say that he wasn't interested, then I could move on. *sigh* But it was awful. Crash and burn. Toast. He's still, um, friendly, but it's not the same..... So, ah, I really don't want to mess up like that again....."
(pause to catch my breath 'cause I'm hyperventilating)
I take a breath and start over again. "There's this guy that I've had a crush on for about a year..."
"That'd be me."
"Yeah....yeah. Good. (peek over to him with a kind of trembly smile) If you could, um, just say... I mean, I'm so wretchedly tense around you, I thought that if it was just out in the open, and you could say that you weren't interested, then I could put it behind me, and maybe we could just be friends..."
"Ok.... I think I'd rather just be friends right now."
"Oh. Ok. .... You're ok with us just being friends?"
"Yeah."
"I can, um, come over for coffee or ask you to a movie, and that'd be ok?"
"Yeah. Call first before you come over. I'm really busy in the summer."
"Ok. .... You're not just saying this to be nice?"
"No. You can be my geeky friend, and it'll be ok." (he said this with a warm smile, and my heart flip-flopped, but that was ok)
"Ok. Good. ... Um, do you think you'll have your telescope out this week? Will you call me?"
"Yeah. It's supposed to be cloudy the next couple of days. If it looks good, I'll call you."
"One more thing. I have a problem with, um, boundaries."
"Ah."
"Yeah, so if I get... If you get uncomfortable, just dope slap me upside the head."
(he grins) "Figuratively. Yeah, ok."
"Great. ... Um, thanks for talking and...ah, well, not getting freaked out. (I opened the van door and put my foot down on the curb) See you Monday. G'night."
"G'night."
"I was wondering if I could talk to you about something. I ... need some advice. Um, I talked to Mike and Len, and they just made inarticulate helpless male noises..."
"Yeah, sure"
"Can we sit in your van?"
"Sure."
"Well, first some back story. You've heard me talk about my friend Mark -- yeah, well, he's an old friend of mine. We went to high school together. Then he went off to college, and I went off. About ten years ago, we both ended up back in town. We were, you know, just friends. But then -- um, well, when I know a guy, and respect him and trust him and think he's cool, and fun, I find myself slipping into, um, stronger feelings. First, I told Mark that I was poly. That didn't go over very well."
"Poly?"
"Yeah, 's short for polyamory, like my relationships. A non-monogamous relationship."
"Ah."
"Well, yeah, he didn't take that very well. Didn't talk to me for about six months, and then it was kinda touch and go. But the way I felt - it was driving me crazy, so I finally told him how I felt about him. I thought, you know, if I just got it out in the open, and hear him say that he wasn't interested, then I could move on. *sigh* But it was awful. Crash and burn. Toast. He's still, um, friendly, but it's not the same..... So, ah, I really don't want to mess up like that again....."
(pause to catch my breath 'cause I'm hyperventilating)
I take a breath and start over again. "There's this guy that I've had a crush on for about a year..."
"That'd be me."
"Yeah....yeah. Good. (peek over to him with a kind of trembly smile) If you could, um, just say... I mean, I'm so wretchedly tense around you, I thought that if it was just out in the open, and you could say that you weren't interested, then I could put it behind me, and maybe we could just be friends..."
"Ok.... I think I'd rather just be friends right now."
"Oh. Ok. .... You're ok with us just being friends?"
"Yeah."
"I can, um, come over for coffee or ask you to a movie, and that'd be ok?"
"Yeah. Call first before you come over. I'm really busy in the summer."
"Ok. .... You're not just saying this to be nice?"
"No. You can be my geeky friend, and it'll be ok." (he said this with a warm smile, and my heart flip-flopped, but that was ok)
"Ok. Good. ... Um, do you think you'll have your telescope out this week? Will you call me?"
"Yeah. It's supposed to be cloudy the next couple of days. If it looks good, I'll call you."
"One more thing. I have a problem with, um, boundaries."
"Ah."
"Yeah, so if I get... If you get uncomfortable, just dope slap me upside the head."
(he grins) "Figuratively. Yeah, ok."
"Great. ... Um, thanks for talking and...ah, well, not getting freaked out. (I opened the van door and put my foot down on the curb) See you Monday. G'night."
"G'night."
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(no subject)
Date: 2006-07-16 09:50 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-07-16 10:00 pm (UTC)I grinned sheepishly. "Yeah."
Mike chuckled and shook his head. He knows me so well.