chaos and panic
Sep. 5th, 2008 09:49 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ljgeoffLast week, one of my espresso machines stopped working. I have a back-up, so we fired that up and I figured that I'd have the money to pay the repair guy next week.
Except that the back-up machine stopped working yesterday.
This morning's marquee:
Oh No! Broken Espresso Machine! All Drip $1
The repair guy got here at 8:30, and a little before 10am, I changed the sign to:
Yea! Espresso Machine is Fixed! Tall Latte $2
Yesterday, staring at the two broken espresso machines, I had a moment of clarity. Well, first, I had a moment of heart-racing panic. Then everything in my head just slowed the fuck down. And it's stayed that way.
A while back, I wrote to a friend I've always been at my best on shifting sands; it's true. When there's an emergency, I have maybe four heart beats of panic, followed by calm clarity. I don't know if it's adrenalin or serotonin -- maybe the adrenalin triggers a cascade of serotonin? Does this mean that my brain has trained me to seek chaos, or has the chaos changed my brain? My childhood was tense but not particularly chaotic -- though maybe I'm not a good judge of that. Or is it something else? How does the chemistry of the mania and the migraines tie in?
Except that the back-up machine stopped working yesterday.
This morning's marquee:
The repair guy got here at 8:30, and a little before 10am, I changed the sign to:
Yesterday, staring at the two broken espresso machines, I had a moment of clarity. Well, first, I had a moment of heart-racing panic. Then everything in my head just slowed the fuck down. And it's stayed that way.
A while back, I wrote to a friend I've always been at my best on shifting sands; it's true. When there's an emergency, I have maybe four heart beats of panic, followed by calm clarity. I don't know if it's adrenalin or serotonin -- maybe the adrenalin triggers a cascade of serotonin? Does this mean that my brain has trained me to seek chaos, or has the chaos changed my brain? My childhood was tense but not particularly chaotic -- though maybe I'm not a good judge of that. Or is it something else? How does the chemistry of the mania and the migraines tie in?
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2008-09-05 04:20 pm (UTC)That's something you and I share. And I have a theory about it.
In the non-emergency normal mode of things, there are simply too many mundane things of middling importance clamoring for my attention. It's not all spam, but very little of it is Truly Important either. Mostly it's just depressing.
In a crisis, all that cruft just melts away, and the most important priorities rise to the top. Sometimes, with some people, they explode to the top with so much drama that the one in the hot seat will dither. Worse still is when there's an addictive personality at the helm, who's constantly creating emergencies (without really copping to it, natch)
(no subject)
Date: 2008-09-05 05:37 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2008-09-05 05:53 pm (UTC)