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Dec. 26th, 2008 10:49 amI had a Brent dream last night; haven't had one of those in a while. Brent was the first person I fell in love with. I dream about him when my brain is telling me I'm stupid.
(as an aside, I do wonder how he'd feel about that, not that I still dream of him after twenty five years, but that he's become my specific code for personal failure.)
Actually, Brent wasn't in the dream. Three of old high school friends were there, and telling me that I needed to go see him. This is bugging me. It feels worse that friends think I need to have Brent rubbed in my face more than my own super ego does.
Two nights ago, I dreamt that I was working with the Doctor, and I screwed something up and he was disappointed in me. Ack, I can still see the look on his face.
Alot of this is about the shop, and some of it is about my lack of success in ... oh, career, relationships and writing probably top the list.
I don't know if I'd call this depression. Usually, when I'm depressed, I feel very lethargic, but I don't feel lethargic now. Irritable, maybe. That feeling of day-before-payday-and-no-money-for-milk.
And I'm irritated about being attacked from the inside. It's bad enough that my conscious mind tells me that I'm an idiot; the attack dreams just feel all below the belt-ish.
I know that everybody goes through periods of this. So, flist, what do you do to make yourself feel better when you're brain is telling you that you're lame?
(as an aside, I do wonder how he'd feel about that, not that I still dream of him after twenty five years, but that he's become my specific code for personal failure.)
Actually, Brent wasn't in the dream. Three of old high school friends were there, and telling me that I needed to go see him. This is bugging me. It feels worse that friends think I need to have Brent rubbed in my face more than my own super ego does.
Two nights ago, I dreamt that I was working with the Doctor, and I screwed something up and he was disappointed in me. Ack, I can still see the look on his face.
Alot of this is about the shop, and some of it is about my lack of success in ... oh, career, relationships and writing probably top the list.
I don't know if I'd call this depression. Usually, when I'm depressed, I feel very lethargic, but I don't feel lethargic now. Irritable, maybe. That feeling of day-before-payday-and-no-money-for-milk.
And I'm irritated about being attacked from the inside. It's bad enough that my conscious mind tells me that I'm an idiot; the attack dreams just feel all below the belt-ish.
I know that everybody goes through periods of this. So, flist, what do you do to make yourself feel better when you're brain is telling you that you're lame?