showing love

When I was about 18 mos old, my mother died unexpectedly (embolism? stroke? - no autopsy so we don't know). My three sisters and I went to live with her mother, while my dad handled his grief by volunteering for an extra deployment in Viet Nam.

I expressed my grief by pulling out all of my hair. There are pictures of me in a little cap that covered all my hair, with a strap under my chin. And pictures of me with a crew-cut.

I guess I withdrew into myself. I'm not very comfortable with physical touch, or at least it takes me a really long time to get there. But, oh my goodness, I do love very deeply. I just show it by working. Like, literally; pouring money into the family is the main way I show love.

And I've been off now for almost three weeks. I'm getting stuff done around the house, but I'm moping. Because I do. not. like. housework!

So far for the morning: deep cleaned bathroom, continuing with laundry, appointments with Trentyn (doctor and counseling). I still have not made the banana bread, but that is more fun than work. I'm saving it as a reward for mopping the kitchen floor.