more noodling about love
Oct. 26th, 2014 07:54 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ljgeoffTrentyn woke me up this morning by kicking me in the head. I don't know when he climbed in with us. I got up, went to the bathroom and then laid down on his bed, it being vacant and all.
I wasn't really thinking about anything, but I had this sudden thought about love, what I call "being in love." A lot of my thoughts are visual.
I imagined this feeling as a rope of light that connected me with another person. Thinking about it, I could see that feelings might rise or fall -- desire, anger, compassion, interest, understanding, playfulness, disappointment, eagerness, disillusionment, security -- all of these feelings might come and go, but the "rope" would stay constant, never thinning (or growing, for that matter), just there.
I was trying to decipher the rope, trying to figure out what it was made up of and all I can come up with is commitment, love, and desire. But the rope itself doesn't seem to be made of those. It's more like -- those things have to be present for the rope to grow. I have felt those feeling move, tremble or rear, but the rope stays constant.
And I think time or the age of the rope is a definite factor. Mike and my rope is so old that it has vines growing in it; birds nests and spider webs and small children swinging in the loops.
I've been in love with four other people in my life. I let those ropes go, but if any of those four contacted me, said, "Hey, I need help with this," or just "Coffee?" -- I would be there. It's as if the rope leaves a shadow or a mark -- no, it's as if that wellhead of love, desire and commitment is still there, a deep spot in my heart breathing water and potential life.
I wasn't really thinking about anything, but I had this sudden thought about love, what I call "being in love." A lot of my thoughts are visual.
I imagined this feeling as a rope of light that connected me with another person. Thinking about it, I could see that feelings might rise or fall -- desire, anger, compassion, interest, understanding, playfulness, disappointment, eagerness, disillusionment, security -- all of these feelings might come and go, but the "rope" would stay constant, never thinning (or growing, for that matter), just there.
I was trying to decipher the rope, trying to figure out what it was made up of and all I can come up with is commitment, love, and desire. But the rope itself doesn't seem to be made of those. It's more like -- those things have to be present for the rope to grow. I have felt those feeling move, tremble or rear, but the rope stays constant.
And I think time or the age of the rope is a definite factor. Mike and my rope is so old that it has vines growing in it; birds nests and spider webs and small children swinging in the loops.
I've been in love with four other people in my life. I let those ropes go, but if any of those four contacted me, said, "Hey, I need help with this," or just "Coffee?" -- I would be there. It's as if the rope leaves a shadow or a mark -- no, it's as if that wellhead of love, desire and commitment is still there, a deep spot in my heart breathing water and potential life.
(no subject)
Date: 2014-10-26 05:52 pm (UTC)I also see "in love" as a rope of light that can be frighteningly impervious to my efforts to change or disconnect. Disconnection does happen with time, *lots* of time, but I would be reluctant to have tea with most of the people I've been connected to that way, for fear of being pulled in again. In the past, there's been an element of succumbing to manipulation or seduction in my deep connections. I'm noticing these days that I don't even know how to move forward with someone if they're not pushing their agenda first.