Dear Mike,
Feb. 24th, 2005 11:54 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ljgeoffThis is a weird letter to write to you - I don't really know how you'll take it, because I'm going to be presenting some problems that I'm having, but I'm not really asking for any answers. I just want you to listen and try to understand, and maybe sympathize.
So, well, I'm tired all of the time. I can't focus on anything. I usually get about seven hours of sleep a night, but I have no energy. And I don't feel right. I just don't feel like myself. I'm not laughing or even smiling.
Well. Anyways, I'm not sure what I want to do. I feel stuck. I feel like, if I just had someone to say, "okay, let's get this done, shall we?" that I'd be fine.
I got up this morning, got Luke up - I felt like I was thick as molasses. Sam wasn't dressed, and then he needed a folder, and when I got him a folder, no, not a folder, he needed a notebook, so I found him a notebook because he couldn't find one, and then I snapped at him and made tears come to his eyes, and then I felt bad. The two Johnson boys, Zac and damn I can't think of the other one's name, Josh, came over for a ride, and they're in the way. Then Jake said that his car needed to be worked on today because he put $10 of gas in yesterday and drove 4 miles and ran out of gas, so I needed to come get the car and take it to a garage, and then I need to pick him up from school, and now he has no gas and no money. And then we're late, and we've got to get going NOW, and I didn't even get myself any coffee.
Bleh.
Dropped the boys off at the middle school, dropped Luke of at Headstart. Decided to treat myself to coffee and toast. I could feel the pressure start in my sinuses, but I ignored it so by the time I'd had coffee and toast and read the paper I had a full blown sinus headache. Since I was up at Ishpeming, I thought I'd stop by and see Len, get a couple sinus pills from him. Lucas and Ruby were off to work, and Len and Laura were sleeping. Laura got up and ran off to her counseling appointment, Len stayed asleep, and there were no sinus pills. As she was brushing her hair, Laura said, distressed, that the last couple of nights had been a horror show - Len being in so much pain. The doctor wants to reduce his pain meds - thinks most of his problems are a combination of depression and sleep deprivation. So far, the sleep meds and depression meds have not helped. Laura ran off to her counseling session as if she were fleeing a disaster scene.
So, now I'm home. I took some sinus meds when I walked in the door, and my headache is gone. Amazing how those work, and how much I depend on them. I wish that I could lay with you, just melt against you, breath in the scent of you. Writing that sentence has made me cry, but I feel better. I don't know why, but now I feel more like I can do what I need to do.
I worked the last five days in a row, and wasn't really ready for it - I'd come home feeling sore and tired. There's dishes that need to be done, and laundry that's been sitting wet in the washing machine for two days and I should run that again - hope nothing got mildewy.
I do feel better, now. I feel like I can pull out the memory of you and wrap it around myself, and feel all of my muscles relax. I love you, I love you.
Lisa
So, well, I'm tired all of the time. I can't focus on anything. I usually get about seven hours of sleep a night, but I have no energy. And I don't feel right. I just don't feel like myself. I'm not laughing or even smiling.
Well. Anyways, I'm not sure what I want to do. I feel stuck. I feel like, if I just had someone to say, "okay, let's get this done, shall we?" that I'd be fine.
I got up this morning, got Luke up - I felt like I was thick as molasses. Sam wasn't dressed, and then he needed a folder, and when I got him a folder, no, not a folder, he needed a notebook, so I found him a notebook because he couldn't find one, and then I snapped at him and made tears come to his eyes, and then I felt bad. The two Johnson boys, Zac and damn I can't think of the other one's name, Josh, came over for a ride, and they're in the way. Then Jake said that his car needed to be worked on today because he put $10 of gas in yesterday and drove 4 miles and ran out of gas, so I needed to come get the car and take it to a garage, and then I need to pick him up from school, and now he has no gas and no money. And then we're late, and we've got to get going NOW, and I didn't even get myself any coffee.
Bleh.
Dropped the boys off at the middle school, dropped Luke of at Headstart. Decided to treat myself to coffee and toast. I could feel the pressure start in my sinuses, but I ignored it so by the time I'd had coffee and toast and read the paper I had a full blown sinus headache. Since I was up at Ishpeming, I thought I'd stop by and see Len, get a couple sinus pills from him. Lucas and Ruby were off to work, and Len and Laura were sleeping. Laura got up and ran off to her counseling appointment, Len stayed asleep, and there were no sinus pills. As she was brushing her hair, Laura said, distressed, that the last couple of nights had been a horror show - Len being in so much pain. The doctor wants to reduce his pain meds - thinks most of his problems are a combination of depression and sleep deprivation. So far, the sleep meds and depression meds have not helped. Laura ran off to her counseling session as if she were fleeing a disaster scene.
So, now I'm home. I took some sinus meds when I walked in the door, and my headache is gone. Amazing how those work, and how much I depend on them. I wish that I could lay with you, just melt against you, breath in the scent of you. Writing that sentence has made me cry, but I feel better. I don't know why, but now I feel more like I can do what I need to do.
I worked the last five days in a row, and wasn't really ready for it - I'd come home feeling sore and tired. There's dishes that need to be done, and laundry that's been sitting wet in the washing machine for two days and I should run that again - hope nothing got mildewy.
I do feel better, now. I feel like I can pull out the memory of you and wrap it around myself, and feel all of my muscles relax. I love you, I love you.
Lisa