can't sleep
Mar. 17th, 2005 04:07 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ljgeoffDamned insomnia.
So, well, I've tidied up the kitchen and have a load of laundry in.
This evening I took Carl and Luke to the Hands-On science fair that NMU was hosting. Carl loved it. Luke was frightened by the chemistry explosions (they ignited different stuff) Chemistry was from 7p-8p, and physics from 8p-9p. Mark gave us a ride home.
It's increasingly frustrating to be around Mark.
Being polyamorous is a weird thing. Ethics, personal choices, chosen rules -- I'm not a person who sits and thinks these things through, with "pro" and "con" columns. I go by what feels right. Slightly insane, as I am a woman of few boundaries, and those I have are permeable and negotiable.
I wonder, as I write this, if my desire for intimate relationships with people that I like, admire, and trust is simply the desire to have them relate to me in that way - few boundaries, intimacy of thought and emotion flowing into touch and taste.
Like people who have synaesthesia, where sounds or flavors are also sensed as colors -- maybe I have some type of emotional synaesthesia. -I don't see you that way - Mark has said, and it's sad, like he had said - I can't taste the wind in the trees, I can't hear the sound of blue.
I almost reached and interlaced my fingers with his, as we walked down the hall. I was tired, I guess, and not thinking straight.
And tired now, too. I've just finished my warm milk, and I think I can sleep. I have to get up with the boys in 2 1/2 hours, but then I can get a nap. Today's shift won't be easy. Damned insomnia.
So, well, I've tidied up the kitchen and have a load of laundry in.
This evening I took Carl and Luke to the Hands-On science fair that NMU was hosting. Carl loved it. Luke was frightened by the chemistry explosions (they ignited different stuff) Chemistry was from 7p-8p, and physics from 8p-9p. Mark gave us a ride home.
It's increasingly frustrating to be around Mark.
Being polyamorous is a weird thing. Ethics, personal choices, chosen rules -- I'm not a person who sits and thinks these things through, with "pro" and "con" columns. I go by what feels right. Slightly insane, as I am a woman of few boundaries, and those I have are permeable and negotiable.
I wonder, as I write this, if my desire for intimate relationships with people that I like, admire, and trust is simply the desire to have them relate to me in that way - few boundaries, intimacy of thought and emotion flowing into touch and taste.
Like people who have synaesthesia, where sounds or flavors are also sensed as colors -- maybe I have some type of emotional synaesthesia. -I don't see you that way - Mark has said, and it's sad, like he had said - I can't taste the wind in the trees, I can't hear the sound of blue.
I almost reached and interlaced my fingers with his, as we walked down the hall. I was tired, I guess, and not thinking straight.
And tired now, too. I've just finished my warm milk, and I think I can sleep. I have to get up with the boys in 2 1/2 hours, but then I can get a nap. Today's shift won't be easy. Damned insomnia.