boring unless you're me
Oct. 24th, 2025 08:30 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ljgeoffMy brain doesn't really use riddles to talk to me in my dreams. Metaphores, sure, but it's all usually pre' easy to suss out. This morning before waking, my brain sent me two separate dreams about earthquakes. I am nothing if not dogged.
So, yeah, focus. I'm still struggling with focus, but last night's dreams were helpful. What is the difference between a hurricane and an earthquake? Both destroy, cause chaos.
A hurricane, my foremind's favorite metaphore for distruction, comes from outside. Sweeps in and takes away. An earthquake is at the foundation. The damage isn't swept away, it's there to dig through. A lot of work needs to be done before you can get to a clean restart.
Without really thinking about it, I sent a text to my good-daughters Crystalyn and Kayla asking them about their long range plans, well long range as in 5 years.
And, sending that out, I'm thinking about my own family unit. Both boys will be legal adults, working or in school. Mike will be retired and working on The Land. I will be working for as long as I can, until at least 73, I think. We'll be living somewhere in the UP. I'll be 70 years in January 2031, and Mike the same in October '31. In 2030, Trentyn will be 20, and Zary will be 19.
The Bad Decision loan will be paid up in April 2029, 3 1/2 more years, damnit. The Lansing house, if we keep it that long, will be paid off in 2032. We might keep it for Zary to live in while he's going to university. The Negaunee House will be paid off in 2038. The Land will be paid off in 2055, so I might as well say forever.
These loans entwine me like bindweed.
For The Land, worst case scenario is that we at least have the pole barn built, and some fruit trees planted. The trees of our two little groves, one of white oak and one of sugar maple, will be five years old, the oaks producing acorns and the maples soon to be ready to tap.
It all tumbles around in my head; if this happens, if that happens. How will I handle it? What can be put off, what is about to become five-alarm important? I have enough work this week and next week, but the week after that is bare - but that's the nature of this kind of gig work. No contracts have come through yet.
Mike says "Breathe". And he's right. But I dream of earthquakes.
So, yeah, focus. I'm still struggling with focus, but last night's dreams were helpful. What is the difference between a hurricane and an earthquake? Both destroy, cause chaos.
A hurricane, my foremind's favorite metaphore for distruction, comes from outside. Sweeps in and takes away. An earthquake is at the foundation. The damage isn't swept away, it's there to dig through. A lot of work needs to be done before you can get to a clean restart.
Without really thinking about it, I sent a text to my good-daughters Crystalyn and Kayla asking them about their long range plans, well long range as in 5 years.
And, sending that out, I'm thinking about my own family unit. Both boys will be legal adults, working or in school. Mike will be retired and working on The Land. I will be working for as long as I can, until at least 73, I think. We'll be living somewhere in the UP. I'll be 70 years in January 2031, and Mike the same in October '31. In 2030, Trentyn will be 20, and Zary will be 19.
The Bad Decision loan will be paid up in April 2029, 3 1/2 more years, damnit. The Lansing house, if we keep it that long, will be paid off in 2032. We might keep it for Zary to live in while he's going to university. The Negaunee House will be paid off in 2038. The Land will be paid off in 2055, so I might as well say forever.
These loans entwine me like bindweed.
For The Land, worst case scenario is that we at least have the pole barn built, and some fruit trees planted. The trees of our two little groves, one of white oak and one of sugar maple, will be five years old, the oaks producing acorns and the maples soon to be ready to tap.
It all tumbles around in my head; if this happens, if that happens. How will I handle it? What can be put off, what is about to become five-alarm important? I have enough work this week and next week, but the week after that is bare - but that's the nature of this kind of gig work. No contracts have come through yet.
Mike says "Breathe". And he's right. But I dream of earthquakes.