Fly, you fools!

[ljgeoff]

First, to get it out of the way, I did *really* crappy on my first test of the semester. I've mentioned a couple of times that I must get 81% overall in the exams to pass the course. This semester is split into two courses, and I must pass the first one to move on to the second one. A person can only fail one class; a second failure and you will not be continuing on.

So far, I haven't failed a class. I did have to drop out for a semester when I injured my knee, but that doesn't count. There are four exams, with the first three being worth 50 points each, and the fourth cumulative exam worth 75 points. I must average 81% across all four exams to pass this course.

On the first test, I scored a 70%. I've never done so poorly. It still possible for me to pass, but it'll be tough.

I really don't want to do this, Sam-I-Am. I do not like it here or there. I do not like it anywhere.

*sigh*

Mike asked what he could do to help me pass. I said that I might be able to pass if I moved out and only worked on this from now until December -- no kids, no housework, no Chris, no job. Which isn't possible.

The next test is next Monday, and I have a 12 hour clinical on Friday, and then work 12 hour days on Saturday and Sunday. On the other hand, I have today and Thursday off. On the other hand, laundry needs doing and I have Chris to watch.

The main problem is that I'm having a really hard time concentrating on *anything*.

I just don't know if I can do this. Worse, I really don't want to. But I figure I might as well continue on and see how far forward I can get. If I fail this class, I'll reenter in January and see if I can graduate. I'm very willful.

Comments

[amaebi]

I'm holding my thumbs hard for you. You are a gift of a nurse, o willful graceful one.

[tiger_spot]

::hugs::

Best of luck.

[kaffy_r]

I know what it's like to not want to do something. I also know you at least a little bit, and I know the strength of will you have. Is there any way you can retake that particular exam? If not, I think you still have a significant chance of passing. The load on you is immense, and it seems from what you say that you can't lessen it.

If you fail, as you say, you'll reenter in January, because you are you, and you are determined to make this.

All my love.

[sonia]

Wishing you focus, concentration, freedom from distractions in the time you have to study. Wondering if you know what might be getting in the way of concentrating, and if there's anything you can do to mitigate that.

Your workload sounds exhausting! I hope you can get some rest somewhere in there!

[johnpalmer]

Hm. "Really don't want to" is a big warning sign.

Are you tired, worn out, feeling hopeless? That's a "I don't really want to" to find a way to deal with - which might include a rest.

Are you frustrated that there's all this difficult BS you have to go through? WTF is up with 80+ is passing? And there's stupid reasons they'll take off points, things that you *know* full well and won't mess up in the field. That's a normal feeling to have. You're an anti-authoritarian in one of the last possible authoritarian situations you can be in.

Or is there more, or is it different? Because it sounds like this is too hard, too stressful, to be a box to check on a pointless checklist. (Now, mind you, an *important* checklist? That's fine. We all have important goals and putting them on a list is okay, and checking them off is okay. But we also have "gosh, it would be neat/fun/cool to do this" lists - and those are the ones where this is too much to be worth checking off of.)

Good luck; remember, you are a good, and amazing woman; the world is better for your being here and for having been here; you are loved, and you love. Does "you are a registered nurse" close enough to that list?